i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
NoShamevember. You game?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
