to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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