I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
