Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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