I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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