she looked like the bat from fern gully.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
