You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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