he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
