i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
