First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
