I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
