He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
