Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
