That's when you crack a 10am beer
I checked into jail on foursquare
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why did my mother make you get naked?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
