worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
how does that bad decision feel?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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