so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
