whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
