having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
