so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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