Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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