love makes seman taste better
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
