Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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