we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
