I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
