so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
