I'm eating all of the evidence.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
