We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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