This house was built for laser tag.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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