Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
