Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
