It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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