Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
