Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
