yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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