Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
