ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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