3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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