I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
