how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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