Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
