You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
