I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
