Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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