I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
