One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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