i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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