He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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