why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize