Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
