What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
