You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
