Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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