the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
