and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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