nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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