drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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