3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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