I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
