I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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