the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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