a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
