Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
