And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
