It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i now understand why vodka
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
