ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
