thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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