i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
