I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Me too!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize