She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
