yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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