shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
