Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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