I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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